Social media is no place to air ones #dirtylaundry as many would say but I feel like I need to say what I am saying to #encourage those who are and have been feeling left out or let the ones who have been #silent know that they are not alone. I came off social media for a few months and only recently came back on. Some of you may have missed me and others not. I came off because I was #afraid that I would post something I would regret and even now as I type this, I do not know if I will or should post this.
I used to look at people in relationships and envy them. Their wonderful photos on social media and wish it were me. But no more. I see through the hype. Recently I almost overdosed on sleeping pills. Yes I did have to be rushed to the hospital. I just did not want to feel anymore pain. I was so tired of being #abused and I felt like being abused for me would be a never ending cycle. I could not imagine being abused for the rest of my life. My relationship started off so well. I was so excited and fell so quickly in love. He was charming and intelligent and I felt like my time had finally come to love and be loved. Very quickly my day turned into night. I cried literally every other day. I was insulted. Demeaned. Cursed at. Ignored. Manipulated. Pushed around and whenever I left I would get an apology that I could not deny. A sad story with an excuse for his behavior and I would fall in love all over again for a good 3 days and then the severe #verbal and #emotionalabuse would happen all over again. Those 3 days is what made the social media cut. I could not work. I could not make plans because I was constantly depressed. I thought I was going crazy. I was told by him that my friends didnt like me, that I spoke too much and people could only take me in doses. I was #mentallyunstable. Everyone warned him against being with me. She's crazy and he wishes he listened. I cried too much. He is numb to my tears. People from his country are very suspicious of women who cried as much as i did. I had no etiquette. No decorum. He never had to deal with someone like me. I was no lady. Psycho lunatic bitch.The apology, tears and excuse came after that. (more in comments)