This is from an online message board but I found it to be so accurate. It's so scary
When I knew I was being mistreated by my ex h I insisted that we go to therapy and I voiced my concerns about the way he spoke to me and had treated me when our dog got sick and died.
He and the therapist determined that I was the problem. It was my emotional overreaction to the dog dying that was the problem, not his abusive language and I felt unheard, unsupported and lost. He did exactly what the piece described and came across as perfect and I was the problem. Anyone who was there described me as incredibly calm and collected in my emotions, while sad I never was unreasonable and he was lying but in a way that made it impossible for me to defend.
When I finally got the right help ten years later my therapist was shocked by this, it was clear to him that my ex h was incredibly abusive and he would have advised me to leave and knowing myself I would have listened
He agreed that knowing me he knows I would have left and apologized for the failure of the therapy I received and that it truly resulted in more pain and trauma for no reason. I could have left the relationship at that point and never turned to alcohol but I didn't because I was ashamed of myself for my emotions and drank more to escape.
Addiction is rooted in pain and trauma and often times we never know the truth about what is happening behind closed doors. If you are being misunderstood in therapy get a new therapist and don't be ashamed to leave a marriage after 6 months. It's far better than becoming addicted to alcohol. My ex h eventually got mad at me for drinking sparkling water, eating bread and butter and would give me the silent treatment when I ate these foods because he was disappointed in me. When I got promoted he told me I didn't need to celebrate with cake, too many calories. It's so wonderful to be free from that life and it all got much worse after that therapist. He was empowered and I was weakened 😥
2 520 minutes ago
We vowed at @Labeltypedifferent that we would only cover music, no gossip or anything involving personal life unless it was referenced in the music. For the R Kelly Lifetime documentary “Surviving R Kelly” we will break that tradition. The story is too important not to cover. With so many complexities in this story, we will be releasing a series of articles. The series will be reporting on all viewpoints as accurately as possible. First article “Who Created the Monster?” Click link in bio
Bit of a long personal post coming at you! This isn’t something I have spoken much about on here but I feel it’s a topic that needs to be discussed! Jan 16th is a date I will never forget! It was on this day 4yrs ago that I had to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! It started like any other morning until DHS turned up on our doorstep! After a lengthy interview with myself and my now ex partner they decided that they weren’t happy with our situation and that I had to leave with the kids! Things escalated quickly and before long 6 police officers were in my house and I was packing a bag for myself and my kids! We were escorted out of our home without even having a chance to say goodbye! It was that exact moment that I was SAVED! In the months leading up to this life changed drastically.. my ex partner had started using ICE which took such a toll on us.. despite me working full time finically we couldn’t put food in our mouths, physically I gained over 40kgs, mentally I was exhausted and emotionally I was numb! While there was never any physical violence I still suffered from emotional and financial abuse daily which was just as damaging! On Jan 16th 2015 I was given a lifeline, because the destruction that followed is something you couldn’t picture in your nightmares! I had wanted to leave months prior but didn’t have the strength in me to do so. Even tho they were doing their job I will be forever grateful to the police officers and DHS who helped me get out that day! I was always one of those people who thought it wouldn’t happen to me but let me tell you drug addiction is real, domestic violence is real and it can effect anyone! If you are going through it know that there is hope! You can get out of the situation and it’s okay to ask for help! Once upon a time I was ashamed to speak about it and to ask for help but I’ve learnt it’s not something to be ashamed about! #peelingthefat#domesticviolence#domesticviolenceawareness#emotionalabuse#speakout#domesticviolencesurvivor#drugaddiction#mentalhealth#weightloss#wwaunz#wwaustralia#dv#familyviolence#familyviolenceawareness#domesticviolenceadvocate#ruok#nolongersilent#freedom#free
❌ MY STORY - Losing a Parent to Domestic Violence ❌ (link to full story in bio) .
Every person is put on earth for a purpose, or at least that’s what I like to believe. I think that everyone is given the different variations of the same obstacles to accomplish in completely unlike ways. I’m not sharing my story for sympathy, in fact I have been avoiding that for almost 20 years. I never wanted anyone to look at me differently after knowing what I had been through, I just wanted to be the same as everyone else. That’s the best way I can describe my fear for speaking my truth for all this time. Fear that I wouldn’t be accepted, fear of making it known that I am different. That what had happened to me was different. I now know that even though I was/am/will always be different, I am not alone. No matter how small the percentage may be, this has happened to someone else. Another little girl, or boy has felt my pain and for that I felt it was finally time to explain how I persevered. If not a way to bring awareness to such a barely discussed topic, but to encourage others who are still suffering in pain that it can get better if YOU want it to.
I'm officially back on my Instagram page FULL TIME. as well as beginning to record MY RAW YOUTUBE VIDEOS. I originally wanted to really organize my content, have a structured set but with everything going on I just decided to let my videos be RAW. and truly about me and my story. Based on the votes I received my first video will be a Q&A so please drop your questions or respond to my IG story with questions! Cant wait to grow my instagram page! You guys can start subscribing to my channel by clicking on the link in my bio. thanks for your support❤
0 63 hours ago
Gun Violence. Let’s talk about it . This issue is more common then ever and effects so many families including mine. Praying that God continues to use me to help others . Even though some days it seems so hard and overwhelming . But I know being the voice in the room when it seems quiet is what my Mom would want me to do❤️🙏🏽 Thank you @imafatherf1rst@thelewisagency for this important panel “The New Norm” held at the @thegatheringspots#summit speaking on #gunviolence
Rest In Peace To all the angels we lost due to gun violence 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Rest In Peace
My message to women experiencing domestic violence... never think it’s you that’s the issue. Most women recover and go on to have another relationship. I doubt this will be something I can personally do but I can live with that 👍. I had the courage to stick with it for 10 years but don’t stay like I did because I live with extensive emotional damage. Thanks for listening #domesticviolenceawareness#drjecyllandmrhyde
0 14 hours ago
In between it all there are still days I almost let him win...
This is for anyone living with a partner, friend or family member who becomes verbally vicious and cruel during arguments. .
New Year’s Eve 2013 is when my marriage ended. That’s just over 5 years ago. And still yesterday, after a much enjoyed break, I was ridiculed as a person, put down as a mother, made fun of in my new relationship and basically told I am a sad failure. .
Why? Because I said no to something for my own personal reasons and choice to keep my distance.
I let it eat away at me, I let it bring me down, I sobbed, I momentarily believed what had been said. I believed people would see I am no good, I believed I am no good. I hated on myself and internally agreed that I am all these things that were said.
Undoubtedly there is always a justification these types of people give as to why they need to say the things they say. THERE ISN’T ONE.
No matter the argument, disagreement or confusion, it is NEVER ok to tear another person down to the point of insinuating they are less than nothing. .
Today I still feel worn and a little disappointed that after all this time I let it affect me. But today I am grateful I am not living in the toxicity anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I was part of the toxic pattern. I am not perfect, I fought and I defended myself. But I always chose not to use the things that would hurt him the most. I still choose not to. .
The point of this post for anyone who needs it is, they don’t change. The only way change could even be remotely possible is if there was some self reflection that makes a person think “actually that was a really crappy thing I did”... and the people who verbally abuse others don’t have this skill.
Save yourself and leave. And remember it’s always ok to say no to something you don’t want to do.
0 204 hours ago
And rest in this: YOU are the designer of your future. Make it bright my friends❌⭕🙌
EMPLOYERS: Please ensure you're providing the current up-to-date Fair Work Info Statement to your employees - if you don't know what that is, then we need to talk (potential large penalties from Fair Work). Item 5 on the National Employment Standards has been updated... *** Current wording:
5. A total of 10 days paid sick and carer’s leave each year (pro rata if you’re a part-time employee), two days paid compassionate leave for each permissible occasion, two days unpaid carer’s leave for each permissible occasion, and five days unpaid family and domestic violence leave (in a 12-month period). Family & Domestic Violence leave is now a right extended to all employees - how you manage these days and requests for accessing them can be fraught with all kinds of risk. Privacy, sensitivity and compliance to record keeping is paramount. You may want to roll out some training, or create a new policy for dealing with Family and Domestic Violence leave requests - employers are more likely to suffer consequences of sloppy processes performed by employees who aren't skilled or knowledgable in discreet management of sensitive and private matters, such as these.
Please help us keep essential services available to survivors in need! #charity#domesticviolence#domesticviolenceawareness
During the last couple of years I have seen a dramatic rise in domestic violence cases. I want individuals to know domestic violence is not just physical abuse, which is a common misconception. There are five types of abuse:
1. Emotional (playing mind games, threatening to leave you, making you feel like you need him)
2. Verbal (calling names)
3. Technological (Breaking phone, etc)
4. Sexual (forcing sex)
5. Physical (punching, choking)
Profile of an Abuser/Batterer
1. Jealousy (questioning her constantly about whereabouts, and jealous of time she spends away from him, controlling her expenses, jealous of your opposite sex friends).
2. Controlling behavior (I’ve had clients who’s victim couldn’t get a job, leave the house, makes purchases, or bathe without his permission)
3. Isolation (Makes partner move away from family and friends so that she depends on him solely)
4. Forced sex (I’ve had several clients who forced their partners to have sex with their friends and forces sex when she is asleep)
5. Holds very rigid gender roles (Believes that the women’s job is just to cater to him, he is the “king of the castle”, and women hold no power)
Men that are abusive are very clever, smart, and extremely charming. Most of these men have a personality that draws people in because of their level of charm. This is part of their art to deceive and manipulate. Abusers usually look for individuals that are easy to manipulate. They tend to strip these individuals first from their independence, confidence, and friendships so that they don’t have the strength to leave them or they are easily manipulated to stay if they were to ever want to leave.
Diagnosis of Abusers/Batterers
1. Antisocial personality disorder, (deceitfulness, repeatedly lying, use of aliases or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.)
2. Borderline Personality disorder (a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships by alternating between extreme idealizations and devaluation.)
3. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Has a grandiose sense of self-importance)
It is never too late to seek help and find your freedom.
And to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus....................... I can still remember my nurse coming in telling me it’s almost time to push. Telling me to prepare myself mentally because it isn’t going to be the way it’s been the last 3 times I delivered. I had never went through so much stress in my life, and I knew that was the reason God called my baby home. It was a journey he knew I couldn’t handle with 4 kids alone, so he gave me what he Knew I could handle. #January132018#briangiovannividrean#miscarriage#domesticviolenceawareness